Monday, April 22, 2013

The Smother Mother

"Don't you mean the Smother Brothers!?"

No.

All parents go through stages.

"Don't you mean kids- kids go through stages."

No- kids aren't the only ones that go through stages, parents go through stages too.  For instance my/our mother 'went through', 'went into', 'became' a smother-er.

"You mean metaphorically?"

Yes that too -No, I mean she literally went through a period where she was literally smothering her kids. Martha called this new physical behavior an old word "hug"- she re-defined the term because words in families- in any system are ever being tweaked, altered and can come to mean something so far from what the word meant or should mean, like "love".  Maybe Martha had more than one stage of this occured of this but the only one I remember occurred in Ridge Top Court, Falls Creek, Louisville, Kentucky, United States of this side of hell.  As I learn more about Munchausen's By Proxy I find along with another form of abuse- sothering is very popular.

But before I go 'there' some old business:

1)  Alice Walker sorry about the mix-up with you and Toni Morrison in my google profile- well one of    them.

2) J.P thanks - something you said helped me see something I really hadn't before.

3) Anyone who has an issue with anything I write about or concerning the deceased: Martha Olson, Marion Martha Olson, M. Martha Olson, M. Matha Alford (sadly she never went for: M. Martha Olson-Alford)- Antyone who has or will have an issue with anything I write should contact the executor of her estate: Me.


 Marion Martha Olson/Alford  used to say "I should have left when you were babies".

That quote is differntly to me now than it was then, than it was a few ago.  In the days of Ridge Top Court it felt like both a rejection and a threat: be nice to me or I'll leave. 

"I should have left after you two were born"

But then again, what she wrote to me in her suicide note- a message that also changes with time. 

I have alot I'd like to write but par usual there's some wizenheimer(sp?) on this system - though the system itself may be pure jack-ass and therefore my: kingdom for a typewriter.  The last time I exited this terminal I was told two titles couldn't be checked because there were holds on them. An overirde occurred, supposedly and thus due in in a week. Except I was able to check them out the next also.

Hmmm.

Supposedly this page has had over a thousand views- some of them my own certainly but the truth is I don;t know that anything I write ever leaves this town much less my immediate wireless area.

How another entry would have started and may still:

"My father almost " the-girl-I-grew-up-in-the-same-house-with  "twice that year though I don't remember which came first "Great Adventure" or Mom getting in trouble for calling and Ambulance."


Post- post: As I read all this I know all the words that I've left out- all the connections I haven't written one of them being something the girl I grew up in the same with said after Martha died- about Swiss cheese, the A&P and what I know that girl I knew does not and will not recall.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Letter 60: of letters to W.S. Merwin from Purgatorio: Subtitle: A Simple Plan

April 5th/ Av-ril cans en francais

Dear Merwin,

The last time I sat at one of these terminals I walked in with a flash drive and a simple plan, the sort of thing that could and should be easily accomplished in 15 minutes or less.

It never turns out that way.

The plan: Seperate sites for the letters, blogger as a primary title site linking to as well containing many of the titles- but not all.  Thus te content would be spread across various providers who all have their own personl fine print.

The points of constancy would be you, me and string theor(y/ies).  The latter being a term that showed up exactly nowhere..at least not on the searches I conducted but the advent of quantum computers it would be an absolute certanity that one person's search would and could possibly = very different results.

My plan was not to be, just like at home when I'll write something and the cursor will go elsewhere or type something else, as if a backdoor of sorts was installed years ago and at this terminal the same system of back doors may engage  I don't know.

What I do know is I left frustrated and wanting to cry which I sually after doing anything on a computer because someone or a bit of code functioning 'as if' has decided "No you can not do that" or "Do this instead".

It is in this way anything I write is generally rendered somewhere between useless and belonging to someone else.  It has been suggested that I draw or paint instead of writing: I would like to take a a lethally sharpened pencil to each and everyone of them

:)

so no letters.

No online publishing.

"Not Allowed"

Oh and what is "605 Error?"

MCA