Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Not Entirely Kosher Eggless Egg Salad

June 2012




This.



This is why writers write.



“Because they have to”- so says the quote but so say-eth me: Writing is how one measures, how one traces, how one can both see and follow your own self. And track- and put pieces together.



A year later I read salami and milk and am - not nostalgic but it is like looking at an old slide of myself, as if I took a swab rubbed it across a wee bit of glass, labeled it, stored it, stowed it and now - right now this minute I am both the microscope and the slide I’m looking at.



I’ll be brief: I took to vegetarianism and veganism quite easily.- (though I still I get tripped up at “grow the hell up” and “who the hell do we think we are!” (GOTO (or wait 4/for) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I don’t think I would have eaten meat had I grown up on a farm. I’m not sure how I would have felt about the sheep and the goats but I can’t even do fish or shellfish.



Recently I saw a lobster in a tank - more than one. In my getting greater and greater physical sensation back ... I saw this one lobster that I really wanted to

a) bring the lobster home

b) have the money to get a saltwater tank so as to

c) rehab him back into the ocean -(where s/he may never have even been)



Lobsters can live to be over a hundred years old- they’re like sea turtles.



It just seems to me that as

a) we have poisoned their environment

b) hunted and eaten near everything to the point of extinction

c) enslaved many in food prisons/animal jails

d) the least we can do, given all that, is to stop eating them-

e)humans have made the world a torture for nearly every living thing, including ourselves.



Anyway, so I saw this one lobster- stronger than the rest - trying to get out like s/he knew some asshole was going to boil him… but more over like some part of him/her knew there was sand and an ocean out there somewhere.



S/he wasn’t for going quietly into the pot or sitting idly by in the tank ,s/he - and only s/he still moved - all the rest were alive but dead- just nothing. The one with the blue rubber bands though- s/he was very much still a lobster, not some future food but a genuine living crustacean.



Anyway- I saw this lobster who has probably lived his or her entire existence on a completely flat surface- that doesn’t give or move, is not sand or mud or variable and in that torturous. The surface they’re on =pain = repetitive pressure points without the natural variance of random . Plus I think the lobsters have gone blind- they’re not supposed to be in high light environments? Though it could be the hertz rotations… which I utterly relate to



Let’s say s/he was wild caught. Wild caught and rarely saw and see their own kind.



Anyway- I wanted to spring this one lobster- the one who could see the edge of the tank and was trying to get out. And if I had the money to blow- hey you-

you who may have some money to blow

and a tank



consider having a pet lobster with the ultimate goal being:

freedom.



Again: they live to be over a hundred years old (like parrots) so plan for your lobster ‘s future. As water creature companions they’re way better than fish and wouldn’t that be great to rescue a lobster?



In the world of me- yes, yes it would.



I know- people aren’t like that. But I am.



I don’t really even believe in pets anymore. Mostly I just see captive slaves who no longer know how to hunt being treated poorly by very inconsiderate uprights who happen to have digits.



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I find meat to be what it is: murder.





!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eggs? who the f*** do we think we are!



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Milk? grow the heck up.



We have thumbs and machinery which means we’re not allowed to act as if we aren’t choosing. Because it is not as though without meat, eggs, milk and fish one will starve in the suburbs or the city. Ya’ won’t.



I feel very badly for all the factory animals. Though I am glad people are keeping chickens and I just wish they could run around everywhere- same thing with the goats, sheep and cows. And beefalo hunters should be shot on sight.



I remember my parents and one branch of cousins were really frightening when they ate. It wasn’t just that they were shovel-ers ( my parents) but that the cousins were also ravenous. Ravenous carnivores (I suspect there’s rather an association- I know I’ve never heard of a serial killer who is a vegetarian- but back to my ravenous omnivore- in carnivore mode cousins)



I remember a platter full of hamburgers on Kaiser rolls at a dinner table in Greenwich Connecticut.





I remember being genuinely afraid and frightened that one of my cousins might grab my arm by mistake.



They grabbed and ate so fast that having one‘s hand too close to a plate - being bitten by mistake seemed a genuine risk and time hasn‘t made it seem less so. (5 kids. Girls=nearly six feet Boys=almost seven feet tall (honest to God (they’re giants)))



But I guess that’s how you grow giants?



Anyway- Martha, my mother, always said I was “sensitive” I cried when an animal was killed on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. She said “Sensitive”sa in “too” but I say I was probably always intended to a be a double V, vegetarianism and veganism, a vv. A Vv or vv - not be confused with a w because just because two things look nearly alike doesn’t make them anywhere near the same thing.



Truth is- for anyone who thinks they’re a good cook and may actually be one- going V or double V is scary. There are some things that texturally you’ll miss for awhile and there are some tricks for that- and that is the thing: going V and double Vv is the is the ultimate iron chef home challenge because-



Picture this scene:



It is summer (2011) and I am craving egg salad.



I am craving egg salad because for me egg salad on pumpernickel or rye is part of summer.



As I am/was craving egg salad I am simultaneously not okay with how the factory chickens are living and I do not care what the label says because u food industry are not credible.





I hear there are some local chickens- well I would have to personally know the chicken and even with that given how all species but ourselves are nearly gone. The chicken in question sitting on some should be able to be outside pecking at bugs, running around on dirt and grasses and seeing sky. Feeling wind. Rain. Life.



The factory chicken life is utterly unacceptable.



All of that doesn’t change that summer for me is and/or was egg salad season.



I was craving egg salad which I didn’t and wouldn’t buy or prepare because of first/1 conscience and 2 animal products seem increasingly grosser and grosser and meaner and meaner all the time. But despite all that me and or the combination of me and my body was really jones-ing for some egg salad.



What I missed, what I was craving was the textural experience of my summer memories of egg salad.



Should you ever find yourself in such a fix: craving the textural experience of egg salad while attempting to go vegan + vegetarian=vv but it is spring/summer, the season of deviled eggs and egg salad here‘s what helped me through (?):



NOT ENTIRELY KOSHER EGGLESS EGG SALAD



Great northern beans (cooked very soft)

Guldens mustard (there is no substitute)

Mayo (I know, I know I know- it is my biggest remaining weakness/challenge/etc) - of course the Mayo can b and was (b4 or after) substituted with a low-no flavor coconut oil.

Rice cakes (Stick with me- I swear this is good- yes I used the White Cheddar variety but vv, like most and such things are done best progressively- as in progressing toward )

Diced Avocado (the textural thing = the rice cake + the avocado)

Salt if thoroughly desired and needed

and tomato if you were into that.



Equipment: food processor or emulsion blender for beans + mustard + Mayo/oil (I use/d a low flavor coconut). Spread onto rice cake. Sprinkle on diced avocado.



Texturally and taste wise your palette will be oh so close to fooled your brain will believe its having what it said it wanted: egg salad.



Anyway, worked for me…and yes I do realize that it is/was not completely kosher as in if kosher were vegan it wasn’t . And yes I realize contributory to this meal were ill treated cows and chickens housed in horrible conditions who probably never saw the outdoors and if they did were on high doses of antibiotics because they were caged together like slaves on a ship or Jews on a train to Au-



-oh now I know I have to have offended someone.



I’m sorry but that is where I’m at…and actually no I am not sorry. Human history has been what we will do and how we will perceive and do to a human we have also designated as less than or meat or, etc. .So if you are offended or find my view xtreme I am not only not sorry but really just plain don’t care.





Now on the with show -a time capsule (and yes I know I need to jpg or PDF but I am both severely technically and financially challenged- so I’ll get to it when I get to it.) I’ll repost the recipes - especially the frozen strawberry squares because it was always a hit and some people have Ballard High School prom memories of it.



As for total veg-ness- I am not there yet but I believe/d it would be a process.



Most everything is.

Confessions of a Former Superhero

I didn’t know I had superpowers at the time.




I didn’t know I had superpowers until I lost them.



Superman, as you may be aware, had x-ray vision; Mad Eye Moody could see in 360 degrees. I too could do both these things and just never knew they were superpowers.



Okay- I couldn’t literally see through a wall in the sense that if you were standing on the other side of a wall I couldn’t say what you were doing or wearing or how many fingers you were holding up but I could remember the room. And unlike Mad Eye Moody I didn’t have a device that could report all conditions in all directions at the same time like an owl that didn’t have to turn his neck …but I knew where I was in relationship to my environment. I had an innate relationship with space: where I was and what was in front, beside and behind me. That’s one of the superpowers I lost



How much of losing one’s super powers is a single incident and how much maybe cumulative?



My brain and spinal cord, aka the nervous system, had its third major incident (fourth depending on how you look at the crackhead on Cannon Street with a butcher knife who pressed down so hard on my face (so I’d stop screaming and get down on the floor))…well that collapsed the right side of my sinuses and to avoid him snapping my neck I did relent and went to floor. A couple months later an x ray was taken and my neck had gone nearly straight.



So maybe I had my third or my fourth major incident of an attack on my nervous system and it was the last one, the 3rd or the 4th depending on how you’re counting, - the most recent one that cost me my super powers, the ones I hadn’t appreciated or known that I had.



I learned a new vocabulary word recently:



What that word means- well occasionally its not some form of being in a horror show. I was on a walk recently and per usual I turned around surprised at what was in front of me because I turn my head and the page is blank. So I turned and even though I had just been walking in the direction of and clearly seen the line of crab apple trees in front of me- my brain forgot what was there but this once, once because it is a rarity, there was something not jarring but lovely. Lovely enough that all the horror of not remembering was removed.



What was it? Oh just the way the moss the looked on a branch after a rain…but I had completely forgotten that the branch or the tree would be there and had been there so it was new again to me. Usually though this lost information? Processing challenge?- whatever, is simply frightening.



From a kinetic standpoint - and that’s what I don’t know that the medical profession even considers about ----------- is at its core losing your geometry.



Whereas REM sang about “losing my religion” I lost my geometry but I kept trying to keep up despite being off by a few degrees here and there, not having my body lined up or able to line up correctly for what I was about to ask it to do, though in truth, for what I was about to make it do.



Being off by 5 degrees may not sound like much - but cumulatively it is and becomes and become a new set of “challenges“ or issues, spawning and spreading through the physical system as if born from a hydra.





Friday, June 22, 2012

Big heart S(u/o)ns

Dear Chris,

I Sincerely doubt you will ever receive this or the possible series of chain letters hoping to -

well too bad about the black- I'm a white gal.

Black hOle SUn I like it better with and as big heart sun.

Also I changed some of your other lyrics- I like 'em better.

It was always such a pretty tune. I really like the accoustic version.

Sting says he likes to give his songs a new dress every couple of years- why not throw in a shoes and a matching handbag?- I mean a new dress without the shoes just - well it means a song, a tune "very breathe you take" which was - musically (like Black hole sun and big hard sun) really pretty: the lyrics just didn't don't work.

Unless you're a slave to juxtaposition.

See now sting redid every breathe you take - symphonically, not my favorite mix but I do wish he'd just have gone for it and gone for the shoes and the handbag. Maybe teh song wouldn't even be called every breathe you take anymore- and if it were I'd sure hope he'd have changed teh lyrics to "yuo don't belong to me" followed his own lead with "if you love someone"- etc.

Anyway- hope my lyrics find you?

@day2daypt2

so - 1stweek of may and I am

F
r
e
a
k
e
d

out,

I high tail it out of the library, do not collect my CDs of a Mark Twain book or Eatting (super good film docu-drama hybrid)- anyway my materials sit and wait because the chick freaked me out.

ie: 2006 which I do not talk about and b) I just figured either a) the reservation system glitched or b) the terminal I was supposed to have been at was tech savvy and overrided the system.

I have an b) an a) and another b)- all the same sentence which means I need to wind this down.

So I am simply happy that there was a perfectly good explanation for everything- pretty much- that
a) I didn't hurt anyone by not going to 18 bull street in may
b) allergy season
c) really intense allergies (Try taditional medicines tea and at he very lest peppermint (I've heard cayenne pepper really helps)
d)just a coincidence
e) through security glitch am glad to know: out of town. super glad. total coincidence. still glad though was a little anxious after the whole librarian thing.

@Day 2day (fun how that works)

- -but of course I was always very easily entertained.

Today, tough day on the mat. Long day on the mat- some day i will recover from all this enough that
I probably won't write because I don't much anymore because I just plain don't have time.

I could get flip write now. I am writing "live"- online. Flip is easy- honest is hard and today - and probably only the - only half a dozen times something gets - what is the word?

Okay: the body remembers and I am sobbing uncontrolably and all I want to is run? Escape, etc. etc..

Anyway; I'm putting in about 3-4 huors a day when I can. Learning alot and incorporating some research
the University of Iowa did regarding osteoporosis (which I feel certain I've mispelled and I can live with that) and bone loss.

Anyway- I got the wrong end of the stick recently,


again?

Yeah I know:

shocking.

But due to some kind of oversight or security malfunction. My heart hurts less. feel a little dumb? maybe- but it is not as if it's the first time.

I received an invitation in the mail- for May. A place to be, old friends- etc., etc.. Didn't much care for te graphics and an encounter with a librarian the same week that was way too much (emotionally speaking) like the scene Percy what's his name bk 1 when that chick sprouts wings.

No wings sprouted.

But a reservation on the library computer just -poof - seemingly disappeared.

Three minutes into my session and there's some guy at my pre-appointed terminal with his phone hooked into the big technical tower thing. I asl a librarian...

and that's when things got

a little weird.


Except really it is not because she said "follow me". I did- figured she was just going to log me into another computer that was free manually.

That's what I expected.

That is what would be to be expected- only problem that is not what happened.

Okay- fine - it's really not a big deal- but in the world of me she might have well as sprung three heads - lost all hair sprouted arms and started screaming because she grabbed me arm- kept her hand there  (which was very cold) looked me straight in the eyes and said

"The computer malfunctioned YOU misinterepretted".

Six years later I stood shocked. I covered the length of the librarry so fast. I look behind me and I swear to god she is right behind me- not as light her feet saying something about talking- and I'll get some one to explain.

F
r
e
a
k
e
d

m
e

o
u
t

Monday, April 30, 2012

Cope-e-us writing

432012

Dear Hill of the O'Shay clan and my favorite condiment/cartoon character

I repeat: I am in no way qualified to be on these devices and weird stuff- or just plain irritating- happens when I do. Presently USB's appear not to exist (though there is a slot) and downloading(?)/copy pasting a mere word document appears to be sme kind of security issue.

?

I am bummed 4 there is a memory and a letter 2 u that I can't get to but maybe on a less numerically auspicious day it will be allowed.

I wonder if anyone's feeling auspicious in Europe today?

But to quote that song "Does anyone really k(/)now what time it is

Friday, April 6, 2012

Good Friday: Easter Wishes

To all my jewish and Muslim friends I wish you great Chinese Food this weekend. To all my Zen friends I wish you great Indian cuisine. (Etc, Etc) To all my Christian friends I hope one of my other Friends will ask the obvious "Jesus was a Jew -what's with serving all this pork and swearing allegiance to Pontius Pilot?"