"What are the chances of that"

Two wrecks, two repairs, two rentals but they all apply to one individual- so snafu city and what turned out to be an unnecessary trip to Mt. P.

Oh well, to their library to see if they have disc 3,4 & 5 for Lost, The Fifth Season, during which I was living at a homeless shelter and therefore missed most of the season. Yes- disc 5 (didn't get to see the last forty minutes of the finale) but no Mt. P didn't have 3 & 4. I searched the catalogue,  season 5 didn't show up any which where.

Went to check out to see if the library chick would look it up for me and put down a hold. Just prior a man had dropped a quarter "Sir- you dropped a quarter " but he didn't appear to hear me- oh well half a dryer cycle for me.

I began to ask the library chick at check out about getting lost seaon five- but less than ten words in & she couldn't understand, sometimes its like I'm speaking tongues- except I'm not - I'm SC which can often be Bubba-Duh-land.

"I'll go to someone else," I said- I'd felt like I should have gone to reference but well that seemed like such a negative judgement to put someone - except I was right- she was linguistically challenged.

Reference of course had no trouble understanding, making the search, finding the DVD, etc- and it's all for the best - how Candide of me-

"Oh if you're going to pick it up today we should just call Main because it can take 24 hours for something to get pulled," the reference librarian said.

Excellent customer service, I love a good librarian.

She calls main "Tv dvd for  patron- she's picking up today- Lost season 5 disc 3 &4 ...you have it your hands- well what are the odds of that"

"She was holding the DVD in her hands when I called," said the librarian, bemused "what are the chances of that?!"

I just smiled, didn't reply said thank you.

I grabbed a computer and from reference: "What are the odds of that? I call about a material and she's holding it in her hands!...what are the chances"

She might have said it again and all I could think was: Lady

 this is my normal.

I never got the big deal about the novel Sidhartha. In senior advanced humanity Mr.? said "Isn't that amazing," referring to some passage "he thinks this and then" - I don't remember what happened- a bird flew, an apple fell or something but Mr. ?, my home room teacher as well was -was blown away "Isn't that amazing".

 I couldn't figure out what the big deal was stuff like that happened to me all the time. Kinda cool on those occassions when someone was there with me but when I'm on my own- man all that shit means  is I'm perceived as liar because "that couldn't happen" so mostly I do just keep my mouth shut.

"What are the chances- what are the odds-" ...what does it mean?- so far it means I'm screwed. So far it means I get to fall lower and lower down society's rungs - generally surrounded by gamers of one sort or another.

?falling up- to quote Silver(man/stein/?)

- not from my perspective

"What are the chances of that- what are the odds-" that sort of thing -if it's a marker for anything in this world it is destruction, destruction of the bearer...

bad two days - I keep having nightmares. Kari -it's like one nightmare about her - I can't shake it off. I remember Tommy Dew saying "that much can't happen at one time" and all I could think was- wow -imagine having that kind of life? where you could even say - much less completely believe that. I don't have that kind of life I never have, I doubt I ever will and occassionally it pisses me off...I know how very un Zen of me. Except I haven't been cloistered in a safe family or a safe place- i've been doing time in the snake pits, ever looking, believing - hoping and thinking the best of people. What I've found: most any creature in the animal kingdom shows more humanity than this Lott possesses.

Dreams of Kari always do this,